Never Too Much
by alicenotinwonderland
Summary: Remus is no stranger to pain. But to hurt Tonks causes him more pain than his transformations do. Will it be too much to endure one day when Tonks confronts him about his feelings for her?


Tommy Brown made his way down the narrow alley, yanking his cape off the ground every now and then. He hummed a happy tune, mindless of the darkness the path was shrouded in suggesting that he had travelled this way often before.

CRACK.

Tommy froze in his tracks, falling silent immediately. He knew there was a large dumpster just up ahead. Was someone hiding behind it? He instinctively hugged his precious cauldron of candy closer to his chest. That skateboarding gang often congregated in a park close by. Was it possible they were waiting in the alley to ambush children who walked down there that evening and take their candy? Or…it was Halloween. Was something more sinister – more otherworldly – lying in wait for him? He took a few cautious steps forward for there had been no other noises for a while now. The bright lights of the busy road up ahead were visible. He just had to dash past that dumpster and he'd –

"Ow!"

Tommy froze as a lady with bright pink hair fell out from behind the dumpster, hopping on one foot and cursing at the trash can that stood beside it. A man followed her, leading her away from the garbage and advising her to stand on both feet. The lady spoke to him in language that would have Tommy's mother wash her mouth out with soap. The man merely looked amused and pointed out that she was clumsy enough on both feet; hopping about on one wouldn't help her at all. He looked up and Tommy took a step back instinctively.

The man smiled. "Hello there! That's a nice costume. Are you a vampire?"

"No," said Tommy. He ventured forward slightly. "I'm a superhero," he said proudly when he noticed that the two people seemed to be dressed up in costumes too. They were wearing long cloaks – like those magicians in that show his sister watched.

"What's the black coat for then?" the woman asked, eyeing him critically.

"I'm wearing my costume underneath. My Mum thought it might be cold so she made me wear this," Tommy replied. "Won't your Mum be mad when she sees your hair?" he asked, gazing fascinatedly at her bright pink hair.

"She's used to it," the lady grinned. "Did you get a lot of candy?"

"Yeah!" Tommy was convinced these two people couldn't be dangerous. "You're too old to be trick or treating though. Are you her dad?" he asked, turning to the man.

He coughed slightly. "No, I'm just a friend."

"Oh. What were you doing behind the dumpster?" he asked suspiciously.

"Oh he was helping me fix my costume. My cloak was a bit big," the lady answered quickly. "Anyway, we'd better be getting on. We'll walk with you to the street."

"Okay." Tommy walked ahead and they reached the main road quickly. He turned back to the strangers and caught a good look at them in the light. "Say, those are nice scars, mister. I haven't seen anyone who can draw them on that well."

The man stiffened and forced a smile. "Thank you. We're going this way. I hope you get more candy," he said, turning left and pulling the woman along.

"I hope so too!" Tommy said happily, hurrying away to the right and already thinking of all the houses he could visit on this street.

"He seemed like a nice kid," Tonks said, glancing over her shoulder once she was sure they were out of earshot of the boy.

"I suppose," Remus shrugged. He smiled slightly. "We should Apparate into a different alley next time. I didn't think anyone would use that one. We got lucky since it's Halloween tonight. We won't be as fortunate if someone catches us there again."

"Imagine what he'd do if he knew he talked to an actual witch and a werewolf," Tonks grinned.

Remus glanced up at the moon. It would be full in a couple of days. He changed the topic quickly. "What do you say we sit down in that park for a while? Kingsley won't be here for an hour or so."

"Sure," agreed Tonks. They made their way to the park and sat down on a bench near the swings. They were quiet for a while, listening to the swings creak softly and the leaves rustle. Remus was sitting close to the end of the bench, his whole body leaning away from Tonks. She broke the silence slowly. "This is nice," she said casually. "It's a clear night, for once. The Dementor mist isn't thick in this county. It's a nice night to chat. It's been a while since just the two of us have gone out."

Remus stiffened and looked at her warily. "The missions haven't required that we team up."

She looked him in the eye. "The missions…or you?" She reached out and touched his hand.

He flinched away from her immediately, sliding to the end of the bench. "Tonks – Nymphadora – no. This isn't – let's not do this again." He looked at her tiredly.

Her hair morphed to brown suddenly as she looked away. "It was nice, you know, to be able to have pink hair for a while."

"You know this can't happen," he said. "You know we can't be together."

Her head snapped up and she glared at him. "You won't even give it a try!" she hissed. "You won't even consider the idea."

"And I've told you why." He was defensive now. "Even that Muggle boy saw it. I'm too old, too poor –"

"And too dangerous, yeah I've heard all this before," Tonks snapped. "But I don't care about any of it! I'm not a child, I've thought about all of that and I don't care. I want to be with you! Don't you want to be with me?"

An odd look passed over his face. "Whether I want to or not won't change the fact that a life with me will be far too difficult. I can never get a job that pays well. I'll never be the good-looking man you'll want to show off. I'll never take you on moonlight dates because I'll be a monster at the time! What if I hurt you then? What if I turn you into something like me? I should be the one to take care of you, not the other way around! You have a good life now. You have a good job, a pretty face, a family…I can't let you give all that up for a poor old monster like me! It would be asking too much."

"No it wouldn't! It's not even enough to describe all the things I'm ready to give up or do just to be with you," Tonks shot back. "I've told you that I would do _anything_ to be with you, Remus. Why can't you accept that? Why can't you give in and be happy that someone really does want you? Why is it so hard for you to grasp that?"

"You're too young! You don't know what sort of a life you'd have to lead if you're saddled with me. You'd never have the happily ever after women crave."

"But you won't even try going out with me," Tonks said quietly. "I'm not asking you to marry me, not yet. Why won't you even try?" She leaned forward before he could back off and kissed him. Almost involuntarily, his arm went around her waist, pulling her in as he kissed her back. She pulled away after a moment, resting her forehead against his. "You kiss me back, and yet, you refuse to consider the idea of us being together."

"Dora," he whispered, calling her by the name she had allowed only him to use apart from her family. "Please understand. It's not worth it giving up all you have for me. You deserve far better."

"You want to be with me too, I can feel it." Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes and Remus felt guilty instantly. She wasn't the type to cry and he was the one hurting her. "Why won't you just _try_? Why do you keep pushing me away?"

He looked away, knowing that if he glanced at her earnest eyes he'd give in. "I can't."

"What about that kiss?" she asked. "Did it mean nothing to you?"

"That was a mistake." Remus kept himself from wincing, knowing exactly how much his words would hurt her.

"Oh." She was silent for a while. "Very well then." Her voice was icy. "This mission is a mistake too. It doesn't require me. You can meet Kingsley on your own." Remus didn't look up until he heard the '_crack' _of her Apparition, the noise shooting through him with the same intensity and causing the same pain a bullet might.

"That was poorly handled," said a deep voice.

Remus looked behind him to see Kingsley striding up to him. "How long were you here?"

"Long enough to see you mess everything up. I got here early and thought I might sit here for a while, thinking you might turn up later. Seems like you had the same idea." He sat down on the bench beside Remus. "Why won't you give a relationship a shot? My father is ten years older than my mother but they manage just fine."

"Your father isn't a werewolf," snarled Remus.

Kingsley shrugged. "He used to work in Magical Maintenance. Didn't get paid very much either but he raised me well enough and my mother was quite happy to be with him." He looked at Remus. "Don't' you _want_ to be with her? If you just told her that she'd stop pursuing you but I've never seen you tell her you don't want a life with her because you don't love her. It's always about the age or the money or the lycanthropy."

Remus sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "I love her far too much for my own good. When she kissed me just now, I felt – I felt happier than I have in a long, long time. I've never considered a life with any woman but Tonks is different. I lie awake at night thinking how wonderful it would to have her there beside me. And perhaps, someday we'd be woken in the middle of the night by a little boy who came running to his parents when the nightmares scared him. You have no idea how much I want to be with her."

"Then why don't you? Why is it so complicated?"

"Because I can't bear the thought of hurting her in any way. Better to do it now rather than when it will cause her more agony."

Kingsely regarded him with a mixture of respect and caution. "Doesn't it hurt you more to push away your own feelings and watch her being sad? It seems like a lot to tolerate, especially considering the amount of pain you already have to endure."

Remus smiled sadly. "Nothing is too much to bear when you're in love."

* * *

**Please review :) It's been a while since I've written Remus and Tonks. Was this believable? Was it too abrupt? Do review and let me know!**

**This was for English assessment 2 of Fanfiction school**


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